13.3 How can I avoid offending people?

How can I avoid being offensive?

People in China are generally very friendly and quite forgiving of cultural mistakes made by foreign visitors. Still, understanding how to behave appropriately in common situations will help you avoid awkward moments and earn extra goodwill and respect.

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Scenario 1: In a restaurant

What to do (Do’s):

• Let others start eating first:
  Wait for the host or the oldest person at the table to take the first bite before you begin. It’s a sign of respect.

• Tap your knuckles on the table when someone pours tea for you:
  When someone refills your cup, gently tap your bent index and middle finger on the table a few times. This is a traditional, silent way of saying “thank you,” especially common in southern China.

• Keep your glass slightly lower when clinking:
  When toasting or clinking glasses with someone older or of higher status, hold your glass a little lower than theirs. This shows humility and respect.

• Accept the host’s hospitality:
  If your host picks up food with their chopsticks and places it on your plate, accept it graciously — it is a sign of warmth and care.

What not to do (Don’ts):

• Never stick chopsticks upright in a bowl of rice:
  This strongly resembles incense sticks used in funerary rituals and is considered extremely disrespectful and inauspicious.

• Don’t openly complain about the food:
  Even if a dish isn’t to your taste, avoid criticizing it loudly at the table. This may cause your host or the restaurant to “lose face.” If you need an adjustment (for example, less spicy), quietly and politely speak to the server.

• Don’t fight too hard to pay when you’re the guest:
  In China, hosts often insist on paying. It’s polite to offer once or twice, but if your host strongly insists, it’s best to accept their generosity and simply thank them warmly.

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Scenario 2: Making conversation

What to do (Do’s):

• Choose safe, popular topics:
  Food, your hometown, and travel experiences are excellent topics to start a friendly conversation. Asking for local food recommendations is almost always a good idea.

• Respond to compliments with modesty:
  When someone compliments you, saying “thank you” is fine, but a more “Chinese” way is to say “哪里哪里 (Nǎlǐ, nǎlǐ)”, meaning “You flatter me.” It’s a modest response that many people appreciate.

What not to do (Don’ts):

• Avoid sensitive political topics:
  As a tourist, it’s best to strictly avoid talking about sensitive political subjects, including domestic politics, national leaders, and topics like Taiwan, Tibet, or Tiananmen. These discussions may make others uncomfortable and could also create trouble for you.

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Scenario 3: General conduct

What to do (Do’s):

• Use both hands to pass and receive items:
  Whether it’s a business card, a gift, or even change, using both hands is the simplest and most universal way to show respect.

• Be patient in crowds:
  China is densely populated. Queues, crowded trains, and busy tourist sites are normal. Keeping calm and patient will make your experience much more pleasant.

What not to do (Don’ts):

• Don’t point at people with your index finger:
  This is considered rude. If you need to indicate a person or object, use an open hand with your palm facing up.

• Avoid excessive physical contact:
  In general, Chinese people prefer more personal space in everyday interactions. Apart from a formal handshake, avoid hugging, back‑slapping, or other forms of physical contact unless you know the person very well and they clearly initiate it.